I know those you reading think I am crazy..I know she is gone, but I feel silly talking to her out loud.. and I just want to talk to her. I have come to the point in my life where you should be able to say" I told you so" I now know why she told me not to have anymore children...they are driving me crazy... and now I know why I thought she was at times..any person that has 3 kids has the right to be.. not 1, not 2 but 3 children is so much different than the others.. dont get me wrong I love each and everyone of those babies with all my being..but sometimes I want there to be silence..actually (** Bishops new word at the moment "actually")at this very moment I have it..Bella is napping, Charlee is napping..Bishop will be off the bus in 20 minutes. Who is Charlee..the whole topic of conversation..She is that 3rd baby girl I had...that you told me that I shouldn't..you see I got pregnant 3 months after you died...in some ways she reminds me of you..She has our big brown eyes and brown hair..oh and very high maintenance at times...lol.. I know I know why Charlee..you hated the name Charles..since your it was your fathers, husband, brother, and sons name..so I thought why not a grandchild with a simular.. Well I wanted to name her after her grandfather..and to know how good he is..How is he btw..he is good I guess, I think Jeremy stays with him alot..I asked him to come live here..but who am I kidding..who would want to be in a household with 3 kids..chaos all the time.. I ask him to dinner every now and again..I think he misses you alot, we still talk about you we talk. I wish I could see him more..and no I havent gone up there..I dont think I can still go into that house without knowing you are there..silly prolly but i dont. I really miss you ..I so wish you were still here..does make me think about my own life..I have been exercising alot more...trying to ward off the "Its when Tina not if your going to get diabetes" conversations I have at the dr.s.. I actually stop drinking Diet Dr.Pepper on Sunday..havent had a drink since I got really sick when I was at work..had to come home..felt really weird told God I would quit if he made me better..I know silly Ronnie laughed at me too..but I havent..that and I read something the other day about them saying it was addictive..well I guess its not..I havent wanted it either..been drinking fresh lemon water..its supposed to make your body more alkaline.. we will see if it makes a difference..keep you from getting sick..And speaking of God..I know this will sound weird also but I got "Saved" I watched some sermon that Christy told me to watch and it made a difference I think..gave me a new outlook on some things..and bonus I always had the fear of not going to heaven with my children now I am safe..