to play the song I have chosen for this post, go to the bottom and click play first.
I am not sure where to begin, but to those who don't know I lost my Mommy on July 30, 2010 around 11:00 pm, I cant even explain the hurt in my heart. As I sit here and write this there is tears falling from my eyes. I want to scream out and just cry. My heart has been ripped out and stomped on. I loved her so much, I was always her baby girl and I always will be, she said. I want her to tell me bye, haunt me talk to me something, I need to know she is okay. I never believed in ghost, but now i want to try..is this crazy?? she always did. I am too young for this and so was she...this all gives me the true meaning of live for today. My favorite quote is "Dream as if you will live forever, live as though you will die today" by James Dean..this makes so much more sense to me now. I thought I knew what this meant I didn't. I bought 2 bracelets , One to put on her arm and one for me to wear everyday, and it says "May the Lord bless you and keep you.." it has a small purple stone and made from black braided leather. I hope she know I put this on her and that we will somehow bee connected by this forever. I don't know how I can make this pain go away, I hope she knew she meant a lot to me and and that I loved her, there will never be another person that probably loved me more, I know Ronnie loves me but this love that I talk about that you have for your children I cant even tell you..I know my children mean everything in the world to me, and that is such a strong bond that a mother has for her children nothing can break it.
On the day of her burial, I knew we didn't have anyone to speak so Charles got up and spoke from his heart and a couple of verses from the bible..those were the sweetest words and I hope that she heard them. I wasn't planning on speaking because I am so afraid to get up in front of people, but after Uncle Mike got finished, something stood me up on my 2 feet and I found myself standing in front of everyone, without a planned word to say, I was so scared so I just pretended I was kinda talking to her. I think she was willing me to do it, because she knew I would have regretted it later. She has a nice spot in Beech Cemetery up on a hill under the shade of some trees. Charles has reserved the plot next to her where they will be together again eventually. She had the most beautiful flowers, I know she would have loved them, Her casket was also as beautiful as one can be. I hope she is resting peaceful up on that hill.